How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
I don’t care what anyone says, this was the best moment on TV ever.
this is the greatest thing i’ve ever seen
Hi everybody, this is really important. My friend Cara has been missing as of Sunday, September 28th. She entered the woods at Manassas Park City in Northern Virginia & hasn’t been seen since. If you live in the East coast area or near Northern Virginia, please, please, reblog this!
People reblog this as a joke but this is so inspiring
All of the timing in this video is flawless.
So my thirteen year old brother always asks to use my video camera. And I never knew why. But today I opened iMovie for the first time in months and THIS IS WHAT I FOUND.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK.
This is rich with content and drama
Hello everyone. These are pictures of a girl from my school named Cara Golias. She recently went missing on Sunday of September 28th and we all are very worried about where she might be. She lives in the northern Virginia area near Washington, D.C. in a county named Fairfax. So if you are from that area please take a moment to read this. She is 16 years old, has hazel eyes, brown hair, and is about 115 pounds. Please share this so we can help her achieve a swift and safe return. Even if you aren’t from this area, sharing this may help notify someone who does, everything counts.
Please read and reblog this so my friend can come home.
I absolutely HATE feeling like this. I get so down, sad, empty, lonely and upset. It makes me feel worthless and my mind’s a mess.
No one needs me. They’re all having fun without me. And if I’d disappear, no one would even bother to notice it.
How my anxiety and depression interact.
realistically the space under my bed is very small so if a monster did in fact live there it would have to also be very small
it would be some kind of baby monster
i would have to look after it
The true horror: responsibility
my brother told me to design a poster for his student council campaign
he won the election and is now student council president
Not taking any chances
I scrolled past this and the guilt was too much
fuck every single time that last line gets quoted without the rest